@Dr_awfulpants: [at ATM] Would I like to check my balance? Okay sure. *presses button* *robot leg shoots out and sweeps mine* 'Your balance is: awful'
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@Brianhopecomedy: Lying on the hammock while my wife does yard work. Don't know exactly what she's planting but the hole she dug is slightly bigger than me.
@badbanana: If you tell me you're a fan of One Direction, please clarify if you're referring to the boy band or Kim/Kanye's baby.
@SteveKoehler22: Damn you, Autocorrect ! Why do you keep changing a word into something that makes no sense ? You are the banner of my existence.