@ValeeGrrl: At cardio class tonight, a 22yo size 0 told me "you run fast for someone your age" so now I have a body to bury if anyone wants to help me.
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@jensenmarie_: GUIDE TO BEING BATMAN: 1. Lose parents, inherit everything 2. Let people get murdered 3. Never murder the Joker cause he's the best at puns
@JessObsess: I tell people I'm narcoleptic so if I fall asleep when they're talking to me I don't seem rude.
@daemonic3: Hello 911? "What's your emergency?" You work in a building? "Yes" Inside? "Yes WHAT'S YOUR EM-" So you're saying 911's an inside job?!
@jessokfine: [Sexting] "So, what are you wearing?" A nice blouse and a light sweater. Sensible shoes.