@AndyRichter: At Fantastic Beasts & some nerds are in Hogwarts robes so I don't know why they're giving me the stink eye for my Wonder Woman outfit
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@Amusitr0n: Pizza Hut Employee: I'm sorry but we don't deliver bog grass. I'm not even sure what that is. Moose: [incoherent bellowing]
@novicefather: "Homie don't fleek doe," I say to a group of teenagers, hoping it means something.
@AlexvanBeek: Cats that run under your legs display the same genius as someone walking into traffic.
@david8hughes: Therapist: so your parents also suffered from depression? Me: no they both liked it