@JimGaffigan: I didn't get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.

@Reverend_Scott: I can turn wine into a one night stand. Your move Jesus.

@tastefactory: I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they're way too big for him.

@dlockw21: I saw a bald eagle carry away a bunny rabbit today, and I was like, "well, at least somebody gets to be held."

@peterjames48: You're leaving Twitter? For good? That's too bad. We'll miss you. See you next week!