@HuajatollaChic: At least dogs look at you when you're talking with them as if to say, hell yeah I'd talk to you, but I'm a dog.
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@mkesquire: Jokes on her! I LIKE sleeping on the couch.
@daemonic3: [1st day as a mechanic] CUSTOMER: can you check my tire alignment? ME: umm, sure [nervously inspecting tires] I think they are Chaotic Evil
@MommaUnfiltered: Just text my husband to tell him he left his phone behind & someone is calling him. And now someone's texting him.
@Mr_Kapowski: "GOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLL" -Soccerates
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