@HomeProbably: At least my masseuse has my back.
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@ANastyGorilla: I'm thankful my wife harvested over $100,000 in potatoes on Farmville while I ate a grilled cheese for dinner & am sleeping on dirty laundry
@DurtMcHurtt: "They're like a sponge at this age" I say to the parents of the baby I'm using to scrub dishes with.
@mijamtweets: Someone asked where I'm from and I said Wisconsin. She got excited, "Like That '70s Show!" and I clarified, "More like Making a Murderer."