@HomeProbably: At least my masseuse has my back.
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@realbjdunne: SHIP DESIGNER: The Titanic is so luxurious—it has 4,057 sinks! *three months later* SHIP DESIGNER: 4,058
@BlindChow: COP: do you know why I pulled you over? ME: *furiously trying to swallow a mouthful of mattress tag stickers* no
@raydevito: Watching cross country skiing is as entertaining as watching a person ride an elliptical