@pleatedjeans: At marathons I like to put glitter in cups so when participants grab one and throw it in their face they get a party instead of hydration
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Mikecanrant: When I take pictures of cheese I yell "SAY HUMANS!" and me and the cheese laugh and laugh and then I binge eat and cry.
@ghostkrogh: Cowboys would still be alive today if they hadn't shot all of their spare bullets in the air after winning one gunfight.
@david8hughes: [at work] "Mornin, Margaret." "Mornin. You're late today." [looks at watch] "Not as late as your dead husband though, am I?"