@briangaar: At my funeral, feed me into a woodchipper and point it at the mourners
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@Garblemarble: Alien: we are here to enslave you Me: *not looking up from phone* huh? Alien: I SAID.. Me: *still not looking up* yeah I said I'll do it
@RocketRankoon: *swivels around in evil chair* *evil laugh* *pets evil cat* *evil cat laughs* *jumps out of evil chair* "Holy shit, that cat just laughed!"
@Brianhopecomedy: If I applied for a job at the Vatican & they asked for my references I'd say, "Contact Him" while pointing up. HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB.
@urgeekisshowing: That awkward moment when someone asks if you've dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.