@markydoodoo: At my funeral I want a dozen white doves released. Then shot down. Then buried with me. It'll be confusing af. Can't wait.
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@bourgeoisalien: man: you're beautiful me: gross man: humanity is a black hole of stupid and i'm dying inside me: [heart beats fast] oh my god are you single
@PaperWash: [3 dads circling new neighbor on their bikes] "im not looking for any trouble" all three dads in unison: HI NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE IM DAD
@Sickayduh: It's late and I'm wondering what my high school girlfriend is doing now. I'd call her but I know she has a big algebra test tomorrow.
@Donna_McCoy: Stopping to get donuts for the office only works as an excuse for being late if the box isn't empty.