@markydoodoo: At my funeral I want a dozen white doves released. Then shot down. Then buried with me. It'll be confusing af. Can't wait.
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@TheBoydP: Wife: Where'd you buy my gift? Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right? Me: Coupon? *wife faints*
@abbycohenwl: [chameleon conference] Boss: Is... everyone here? *crickets* Boss: I know Keith is. He brought the yummy crickets. Thx Keith: You're welcome