@Breadery: At my funeral I want the picture of me next to the coffin to have eyeholes cut out with someone behind it glaring at people coming in.
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@stephenjmolloy: Me: "There are so many exotic sounding flavours these days. I just can't resist-" Doctor: "YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING SHAMPOO!"
@Ideal_Victoria: The good thing about being tall is, you can't get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can't get lost in a crowd.
@DukEB51: My wife is such a bad cook,if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
@Book_Krazy: ME: I'd like to order...the updog. WAITER: How would u like that prepared? ME: um medium well? W: very good Me: oh god what have I just done