@IamEnidColeslaw: at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed
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@BoogTweets: Me: *Buys nutribullet* will this baby take down a vegan? Cashier: No, it's not an actual bu… Me: *loads nutrigun* Cashier: What the heck?
@JediGigi: M-I can't go. My Ewok is sick. H-Gigi that's a stuffed animal. M- H- M-Crap. I think you're right. I bet he ate all my Doritos again.
@lovejulieacafe: I just opened an email from the vet wishing my dog a happy birthday. I replied asking them to call her because she can't read.