@IamEnidColeslaw: at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed
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@dawny716: Damn girl, are you alcohol? Because I've had too much of you and I'm going to throw up.
@sanbay: Vanilla body wash.... smells amazing.... tastes like shit. Someone needs to figure that out.
@DillDoes: Dude the goverment isn't spying on you. You're not interesting *meanwhile in a secret base* "dont let him say that to you. You're amazing"
@trevso_electric: When two girls hate each other, they say "we should DEFINITELY hang out" and then take turns shouting "definitely!" until one of them dies.