@juliussharpe: At the coffee shop, I saw a German guy reading the first few pages of a book about WWII and smiling. Keep reading, buddy. Keep reading.
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@Nikkeya08: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.." Him: Do you have to say that everytime we visit my mom?
@FattMernandez: I just saw a pizza delivery guy get in a terrible accident. I feel so bad. Someone's just sitting around, wondering where their pizza is.
@hotdogsladies: Whenever our neighbor's dog is barking, I know there's either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
@hippieswordfish: HEAD OF THE NATIONAL WEATHER SEVICE: so how will we name all these hurricanes? GARY, WHOS BEEN DIVORCED 31 TIMES: i have an idea