@TheTweetOfGod: At the end of the day, it's 11:59pm.
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@sarcasticmommy4: My son needed a last-minute Halloween costume so I wrapped him like a mummy with my CVS receipt. You can also scan him for $2 off Advil.
@QuietPsycho: I think the Wu Tang clan is a Chinese organized crime family trying to wrestle control of the orange drink market from the "Sunni D" family
@mrjohndarby: [on a farm] Me: *sees a cow standing next to a bucket* Oh, I've always wanted to do that Farmer: Go ahead! Me: *stands next to a bucket*
@KarenKilgariff: My sister teaches 1st grade. A boy in her class had a tantrum and screamed "I hate you!" and she gently replied "I know. It doesn't matter."