@iresurfaced: At the end of the day it's 23:59:59
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@cosminaut: I'm pretty big on body art *pulls up sleeve to reveal tattoo of a hoof with "Hoof-arted" written underneath*
@AmishPornStar1: If you accidentally use Pam cooking spray instead of Off... It still works, because the mosquitoes just slide off your legs.
@AmericanGent69: Wife: You won’t believe this... Me: *steadies eyes* Wife: So you know Frank my co-worker from accounting... Me: *narrows eyes* Wife: ...well he asked about my marriage... Me: *squints* Wife: He was flirting... Me: *eyes close completely* Wife: Now don’t get mad Me: *snoring*
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Not sure video Instagram is a good idea. I've never looked at a picture of someone's dinner and thought, "If only I could hear this."