@iresurfaced: At the end of the day it's 23:59:59
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@slimmy_shady: Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!
@mama_earp: Announced sternly to students today that "only hard things are worth doing!" In other news, I have a bunch of parent emails to respond to.
@sarcasticmommy4: It isn't until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would've been a better option.
@pizzajaynow: When a Jehovah Witness dies, Heaven turns off all the lights and pretends no one is home.