@wolfpupy: at the grampys, about to anounce who won the grampy award. open envelope. its grandpa!!! you did it congratulations
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@djr_102: Spice up your Facebook timeline when someone's status turns to "It's complicated" by posting "thanks for last night" underneath it.
@daliamalek: Every time someone makes a typo, I look at the location of the letters on the keyboard to consider whether it's justified.
@Playing_Dad: [Job interview] Interviewer: Do you have any questions? Me: Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off the bus? Interviewer: Holy shit