@Hadzilla: At the last supper Jesus was probably like it would be way more comfortable for everyone if some of you sat on the other side of the table
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@callie_cakes: Ex: Holy skinny jeans! Me: They are new. Like them? Ex: Sure... Me: What? Ex: Should a woman your age wear those? Divorce Reason 509
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] Your word is 'effusive' "E-F-F-U-S-I-V-E" That is correct. What was your name? "It's Siv" I know lmao [hi5s other judge]
@KeetPotato: [at dave's who has like 9 dogs] me: "what d'you call a fly with no wings" dave: "keith dont" me: "a WALK!" [drowns in a tidal wave of dogs]
@myonlymizztake: If your kid texts you questions about the price of replacing any household item, you will be replacing said item.