@see_more13: At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"
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@Fred_Delicious: "daddy, the sun has disappeared!!" [Neil Degrasse Tyson arrives on a Segway] "listen here you little shit"
@bigmacher: Ugly sweater day at work. I'm wearing a new, really nice expensive sweater but walking around saying "ugh, please, this old thing."
@julezmac: Football is so cute it's like some guys are like we're gonna get you and one guys like no no no no