@see_more13: At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"
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@XplodingUnicorn: The fastest person on earth isn't Usain Bolt. It's any parent with a toddler who just said they have to poop.
@TragicAllyHere: You know people ask "how are you still single" to singles? It'd be funny if we started saying "how are you still married" to married people
@Sassafrantz: [first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.