@juliussharpe: At the very highest level of karate, they give you pants that fit so you no longer need a belt.
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@david8hughes: My friend got bitten by a snake and he fell to the floor and started writhing around. It's amazing how fast the super powers kick in.
@Reverend_Scott: 911: What's your emergency? THE BARISTO IS HAVING A STROKE 911: Barista? IT'S A GUY. BARISTO 911: No, it's still- Nm he's dead now
@Slygirl08: *Really attractive person waves at me in their car*-*I wave back enthusiastically*-*realizes they were just putting their visor down*
@WilliamAder: Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I'm not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.