@noog: At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know.
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@NicestHippo: [Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning?
@Staggfilms: ME: my mouth is all itchy HER: were you in the attic again? ME: you mean my Free Cotton Candy Room? HER: I'll speed dial poison control
@chrisdowning: You're not allowed to judge someone based on their scream in bug related situations.
@girlontapas: You know when you buy a bag of salad and it starts getting brown and has gross water in it... Doughnuts never do that.