@noog: At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know.
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@DaHess1: Pizza will never tell you you're fat unless you're high as shit, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
@InkedUpKidder: My fan has two settings: - Barely moving. - Could propel a hovercraft across the Everglades.
@TheToddWilliams: Superman could have become a doctor, using his x-ray vision to detect life threatening tumors. But no, we really needed another journalist.