@noog: At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@tastefactory: I've been chasing a fly around my apartment for like 20 mins with a rolled up magazine. There's a really good article I think he should see
@0hJuliette: Whenever a girl is talking too much, remind yourself that other thing she does with her mouth that you like so much. Might dull the pain ;)
@Underchilde: The scariest thing about the Cold War was the threat of getting stuck inside a bunker with your spouse.
@ScaryMommy: My parents, 2017: "Put down your phone and hang out with your kids." My parents, 1989: "Shhh, not now, we're watching TV."