@noog: At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know.
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@JediGigi: Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead.
@Eatingyourwords: cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape
@sexncake: I'm trying to become a vegetarian so from now I'm only eating seafood. Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows.