@briangaar: At this point, I'm pretty sure the main reason Donald Trump ran for president was to get more Twitter followers
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@ForeverHairy: When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
@yoopnative: I'm broke but not "vacuums the air filter* instead of replacing it" broke. *more than twice.
@ojedge: "Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me." *shakes tambourine* "Got any others?" *shakes tambourine* "Sounds a lot like the last one"