@dshack8: At this point in my life if I drop something and can't pick it up with my foot or via one of my kids, it's staying on the floor.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hello_saylor: Hotel room bathrooms really overestimate how much I want to see my own naked body.
@TheHyyyype: ME: *tells joke* WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school [later] ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th
@SweetTweetsBRO: The worst feeling ever is when you miss someone but you can't even tell them you miss them because they are alcohol.