@Vodkantots: At this point in my life, my biological clock isn't so much ticking as it is knitting.
@Just_Jess_Again: Siri, where are my pants?
@geekysteven: ME: "Hey, the 1980s called and they want their pants back"
STRANGER WHO IS SECRETLY A TIME COP: "They called?! That's a level 3 violation!"
@AGreaterMonster: LOL at the neighbor kids who didn't realize I keep my piranhas in the hot tub.
@Petote: *looks at you in batman voice*
@sucittaM: When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell "HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!".