@JennyJohnsonHi5: At this point the only thing Lady Gaga could do that would shock me is to come out on stage wearing a sensible pantsuit from Talbots.
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@KattWillliams: Did you know that the new iPhone 5 helps people lose weight? When you pay for it you can't afford to eat for a month.
@ericsshadow: If your wife is a school crossing guard, you're missing a huge opportunity if you don't tell people she's into human trafficking.
@AaronFullerton: Beyoncé: Ok now ladies let's get in formation. Ladies: Information about what? Beyoncé: Dammit, ladies, we went over this.