@JennyJohnsonHi5: At this point the only thing Lady Gaga could do that would shock me is to come out on stage wearing a sensible pantsuit from Talbots.
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@MythicPicnic: George Washington spent 63% of his salary on alcohol so I guess you could say I have presidential qualities.
@bouncerface: Everyone complains about immigration until they're searching the city for a decent taco.
@JasonLight73: I'm so glad I found Twitter...I finally have a rock solid Alibi for my Google Search History!
@mattchew81: *yells from space* Did you kill that spider?!
@davidkenny100: Me as the astronaut in that Martian movie: "Day 1 I have enough food to last 459 days" "Day 2 I now have enough food to last 170 days"
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