@MelvinofYork: At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
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@LaziestCanine: [uses the restroom] Wife: make sure to put the toilet seat down Me: okay Me: [to toilet seat] you're worthless and nobody likes you
@earnestaugust: She asked if I noticed anything different about her & I said no. Then I noticed she was angrier than usual.
@jessicaabrownnn: Ok so last night a girl was crying in the toilets cause her ex got a lass pregnant who he cheated on her with, so me tryna make her feel better said "could be you tho and kids are awful u don't want them" she looked me dead in the eye and said "I already have two kids"