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@tupacasnack: *at waffle house*
"do you want bacon or sausage?"
@GoodBadThing: Today I broke my personal best record of most consecutive days alive.
@Bad_Ass_Trucker: Me: Did you hear that?
Her: Go check it out
Me: Are You Crazy? They always kill the good looking people first
Her: You'll be alright
@_Promaniac: My superpower is to cross the road safely and get hit by a parked car.
@noog: I wish the entire planet could come together as one and agree to refer to Kanye as Kanye Kardashian so we can bask in his shattered ego.
@TheOfficialTed: Guys wait for the perfect girl, Playboy's fault. Girls wait for the perfect guy, Disney's fault.