@slimmy_shady: At Walmart checkout other day:Cashier: "you have a dog?" Scanning dog food.Hubz: No, our kid needs the protein.
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@Vodkantots: In hell, every day is Thanksgiving and you're never allowed to unbutton your pants.
@dumbbeezie: When someone tells me they're sick I try to make them feel better with a story about my own sickness that was much worse and many years ago.
@TheCiscoKidder: Harness the power of my dog's wagging tail and we could step into a much greener future.
@MrsMikePatton: My boyfriend got pissed because I didn't swallow. Is it my fault I have a nut allergy?