@uMakeMeBad: At Walmart with a box of condoms and a Barbie play set, now I need to pick the right cashier to ensure maximum awkwardness for us both.
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@timmartinwhy: WHAT I ORDER: French toast WHAT WAITER HEARS: If my water goes below the brim you die
@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.
@brendohare: Ants can lift something 50 times their body weight. Wow. That means you can lift a leaf. Cool. I could do that when I was 14. Tiny idiots.
@MindyFurano: Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.