@the_blacklisted: At what age do you tell your kids that the UN isn't real
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@WetzelGeek: The washing machine broke so I had to wash my undies in the river. As a bonus, 3 catfish floated to the top afterwards, so dinner is served!
@alucardsdream: If zombies ever do attack, I'll just skip coffee that morning. They'll leave me alone because they'll think I'm one of them.
@noog: Exposing kids to violent video games is appalling. They should be in church praying to a bloody statue of a man nailed to a cross in agony.
@flashember: [to wife on phone] yes spend all our life savings on honey W: but- PLS JUST DO IT *ends phonecall* BEAR [holding gun to my head]: u did good