@meganamram: At what age does Ryan Gosling have to change his name to Ryan Goose
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@Thee1_4U: The snow in the front yard is melting and so far I've found 3 unopened beers. *Adds party planner to résumé*
@maebemarbles: "Ugh, it's so dark!" *shivers* "And cold! Why is it so huge? It's, like, jeez, does it go on forever?!" - Larry, the worst astronaut
@jus4golf: Last night I got so drunk I spent an hour apologizing to a tree for saying it's bark was worse than it's bite.
@jake_likes_naps: [in hospital] son: what happened dad me: bar fight son: over what? me: he said... *clenches fists* he said Zelda is a boy