@meganamram: At what age does Ryan Gosling have to change his name to Ryan Goose
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@ramenfuneral: when i was a kid, i thought getting arrested for shoplifting meant getting in trouble for trying to carry a store like popeye or something
@charliedelta7: Hot girls on Twitter: Single and straight: 3% Lesbians: 12% Taken and straight: 15% Men: 70%
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Getting asked this question somewhere else
@caseytduncan: Genie: You have 3 wishes. I don't want to run into spiderwebs anymore. That's it.... I'm done. You can keep the other 2 wishes.