@juliussharpe: At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I'm forty. I have one.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: How dilated is she? Nurse: 4 centimeters. Me: This is America. Nurse: 0.000198838 furlongs.
@bigmacher: #MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'
@abbycohenwl: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe i can help M: My son broke his leg! V: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck
@AnkCoupleTO: Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented