@juliussharpe: At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I'm forty. I have one.
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@stephenjmolloy: *6 hours of Russian roulette* Me: "I think I forgot to load a bullet in this gun."
@MrsGoose69: Me: Where the hell are you going with those balloons? 4yr: I need to wee! Me: With balloons?! 4yr: Its so much fun to wee with balloons
@MoneypennyNaked: Me: I love you. DON'T LEAVE. Stray cat: I have a boyfriend.
@behindyourback: a woman just ran through the coffeeshop yelling "HELP! I NEED A HIGHLIGHTER! HELP HELP I NEED A HIGHLIGHTER" and I want to trade problems with her
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