@juliussharpe: At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I'm forty. I have one.
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@3sunzzz: I experienced a potato famine once; it was the longest night of my life. Narrator: Ursula ran out of vodka.
@robfee: The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he's famous, then they'll be his friend.
@KindOfASmartass: It really annoys me when people who barely know you want to become Facebook friends, like an old classmate or someone you've slept with
@Danny_Dilford: I was wondering why I wasn't picking up any chicks recently, but then I realized my Monster energy sticker fell off my car