@knot_eye: [at work]
CW: Hey, I found your Twi...
Me: *jumps out window*
@MomOfTeen: He approaches me from behind and wraps his arms around me and I am breathless.
With one firm and quick thrust, he dislodges my food.
@dave_cactus: *approaches a girl, tips hat* M'lady.
*approaches a material girl, tips hat* M'donna.
@sofarrsogud: Before we were married, my wife was like a tiger in the bedroom.
Now she's more like a possum.
She plays dead whenever a snake approaches.
@GabbbarSingh: Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out
@Scdavis24: If god came down to earth, he'd have to take the form of Morgan Freeman. At this point, anything less would be disappointing.