@knot_eye: [at work]
CW: Hey, I found your Twi...
Me: *jumps out window*
@Sims_was_here: My alphabet soup is full of typos. Go home Campbells; you're drunk
@LifesGoodThing: Dear women,
3 reasons why you need to accept we men are mature.
No 1. We know what upsets you.
Hahahahahaha... I said "number 2"
@rad_milk: i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead
@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: your resume says that you take things too literally
ME: how the hell did my resume say that?
@mdob11: Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday