@knot_eye: [at work]
CW: Hey, I found your Twi...
Me: *jumps out window*
@shopkins776: With all due respect to the Spice Girls. If you're gonna be my lover, I would prefer it if you didn't get with my friends
@WSiefford: I'm so sorry my pet rock attacked you. Its just he really hates arrogant douche bags. Thank god he only hit your face.
@BromanConsul: What idiot called it the Police/Fire Department Headquarters and not GUNS 'N HOSES?
@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Girls like bad boys! Brag about your Twitter gang.
@shutupmikeginn: air hand dryers are afraid of people and when you put your hands near them, well, thats them screaming.