@knot_eye: [at work]
CW: Hey, I found your Twi...
Me: *jumps out window*
@Brianhopecomedy: My son went over to a friend's house & his Mom asked when we wanted him home. From her expression I think she was expecting a time, not day.
@jazmasta: *i get on a rollercoaster with my washing machine*
"Hold tight son...WAIT! If u are here then.."
*son is at home w/ a mouth full of laundry*
@nice_mustard: endless breadsticks. bottomless fries. yawning abyss of onion rings. HOWLING DESOLATE CHASM OF POTATO SKINS
@jonnysun: MOTHRA: try this, its crunchy & juicy
GODZILA: i cant, im on a…low-car diet
MOTHRA: o ha ha like low-carb
GODZILA: ha ha
HUMANS IN CAR: AHHH
@awkwardphilippe: PRIEST: does anyone object to this marriage
ME: (clearing throat)
ME: i accidentally swallowed a Lego just now