@EricGoldie: Ate a vegetable about 5 hours ago...Still no abs.
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@JasonLastname: Somewhere there's a person named Current Resident who has to read every piece of junk mail.
@SardonicTart: "Act your age!" I yell at my 11 year-old daughter as I put on my Captain America t-shirt.
@dongfuture: *stops walking* Wait, I think there’s a stone in my shoe *takes off shoe, shakes it upside down* *Mick Jagger hits the ground with a thud*
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If we get to have sex with our valentines on Valentine's Day I can't wait until Presidents' Day.