@zachreinert03: Ate at w pho restaurant and based on my waitress' facial reaction I'm not sure if I asked for a fork or killed her entire family
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@thisis_thatguy: I just heard an add on the radio stressing the importance of healthy muscles and it inspired me to bend my elbows more while eating cake.
@AristotlesNZ: Neighbor: Yard sale huh? How much's mower? Me: $50 Him: Wait! That's the one you borrowed from me! Me: $20 Him: Its a $500 mower! Me: ..$100
@Dirty_Naomi: 2 Jehovah's witnesses knocked earlier, so I invited them in. I gave 1 the hoover & 1 a mop. If they can do Gods work, they can do mine.