@omgthatspunny: Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
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@MensHumor: Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
@UncleBob56: Wife: What's your fantasy? Me: It involves your mom. W: Your disgusting! M: W: What is it? M: I always wished she'd taught you how to cook.