@omgthatspunny: Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
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@TheBoydP: To take full advantage of the never answer calls from an unknown number rule, you should also never assign names to numbers in your phone.
@Tmoney68: Mistletoe is my favorite Christmas tradition that sounds like a cool as shit superpower.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Are these your kids? Boss: "Yep" They're gorgeous! "Thanks" Step kids? "Nope" Adopted? "No.." .. ".." She's cheating on you.. "Get out"
@GreGooglyMoogly: *brings a super-magnet to a knife fight* *discovers that stainless steel is not magnetic*