@omgthatspunny: Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
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@BromanConsul: cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now
@Death_Buddy: *gets to hell* [In earshot of Satan] I HATE ICE CREAM AND WATCHING TV, DAMN THAT WOULD BE REAL TORTURE FOR ME. OH AND BEER, I ALSO HATE BEER
@itweetmaya: If Obama wins I'm leaving the country. If Romney wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political Tweet I just want to travel.
@BDGarp: Okay, you got me, I'm not really a gynecologist. What gave it away? Was it the tongue thing?