@NolaChef504: ATMs should have breathalyzers
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@StellaRtwot: Why do other moms at the playground get all snotty if you ask their husband to push you when you're on a swing?
@SamGrittner: I asked my mom what she wanted today and she said "she just wanted me to be happy," so I'm on ecstasy petting a dolphin right now.
@Cheeseboy22: We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're going to take them to an IKEA instead.