@Rollinintheseat: AT&T sent me a text apologizing for their service outage. I sent them a text thanking them for making it impossible for people to call me.
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@Scdavis24: I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
@Karate_Horse: [robbery in progress in the store I'm at] *quickly remembers training from karate school* *bows to robber* *is kicked in head so hard*
@daneZie: *gets caught breaking into used car lot* *desperately attempts to blend in with inflatable arm flailing tube men*