@Rollinintheseat: AT&T sent me a text apologizing for their service outage. I sent them a text thanking them for making it impossible for people to call me.
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@aveuaskew: Are you okay? Yes Did you take your cold medicine? Umm yes Why are you so nervous? I never thought throw pillows would ask so many questions
@Gooooats: Her: Please stop having loud, moany, slapping sex in your tent. This is a family campground. Me: That was just me eating ribs.
@Brianhopecomedy: "Doctor, is the baby healthy?" "Yes Kanye, and just so you know I was the first one to hold her." "Huh?" *Ray-J pulls off surgical mask