@Rollinintheseat: AT&T sent me a text apologizing for their service outage. I sent them a text thanking them for making it impossible for people to call me.
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@sidleykate: People say you have to study Shakespeare in school, but Shakespeare never studied Shakespeare and look at him. He became Shakespeare.
@gringothespice: My wife punched me during sex last night. Probably a good idea that my mistress and I do it at her place next time.