@TheTweetOfGod: Attention crazy man on the subway: this is God. Please start telling everyone else in the car what I'm saying to you.
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@CastAwayKristen: Me: Dropped my phone & now screen doesn’t work. Help forum: Should’ve had a better case. Apparently, my mother works in Samsung support now.
@mean_spice: Teacher: welcome to health class Me: my friend said you can get a girl pregnant by kissing her? Teacher: sir please just mop the floor
@gurl_sour: Police found the neighbourhood paedophile shot in the head 27 times. Authorities ruled it the worst case of suicide in a decade.
@MiddleageM: Having a tea party is fun until your daughter tells you that she got the water from the toilet