@imteddybless: ATTENTION MEN: STOP BUYING YOUR GIRLFRIEND FLOWERS AND PERFUME FOR VALENTINE’S DAY AND GET HER WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS. A SWORD
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@jmhuntsinger: Judging by the quality of some of your tweets I can tell this isn't the first time you've failed in life.
@SINGING_GHOSTS: i imagine my dog spends a lot of time thinking about how tall i am and how great it is to have a giant as a best friend who can reach treats
@IamEnidColeslaw: the women in tampon commercials should switch places with the women in antidepressant commercials