@lovemydogduck: Attention!! To Whomever has my voodoo doll... I could really use a back rub.
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@TheAlexNevil: By "ancient ruins of a once great civilization"-standards, I keep a fairly clean house.
@RtrJan: My kitchen drawer was stuck but my husband got it open. I guess all it needed was a big jerk.
@Iwriteforcats: THE HORROR! *splat THE TRAGEDY! *splat IT'S AWFUL! *splat SO MUCH BLOOD! *splat WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! *splat -It's raining men.
@eric10F: "will you be paying with cash or credit?" "Cash" *start playing "ring of fire" on my kazoo *gets tackled by security*