@warbird622: Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on Twitter right now.....
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@Kelly_skeleton: Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
@SeanINCypress: Bad news is I'm not fluent in Starbucks. Good news is I ordered a skinny Latin, and Marc Anthony is a real sweetheart.
@Book_Krazy: How can we make people tell the truth? "Lets make them put one hand on a book & the other on their chest. That'll scare the shit out of em"
@kibblesmith: Nice try "Marco Rubio" — or should I say... [rearranges letters] "BIRAC UBOMA" [audience gasps]