@NoTheOtherJohn: ATTORNEY: Ladies and gentlemen, how could my client have committed murder WHEN IT'S AGAINST THE LAW [whispering throughout courtroom]
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@MUMSIEesq: CASHIER: This bag of chips is open ME: Yup C: This bag of candy is open M: Yup C: This bag of-- M: Look buddy, I know all the bags are open
@sweetg35: If you're not suppose to eat late at night, then why is there a light in the refrigerator?!