@NoTheOtherJohn: ATTORNEY: Ladies and gentlemen, how could my client have committed murder WHEN IT'S AGAINST THE LAW [whispering throughout courtroom]
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@lemmywinkler: My 13 year old daughter just lit a cigarette at the kitchen table. I've never been more furious! And in front of her kids too!
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: Not your eyes! You dont have to prove it anymore GUY WHO CLAIMS HE PUTS HOT SAUCE ON EVERYTHING: *thru tears* I made a commitment babe
@SunnySideUp1987: If you text me in all CAPS, I will assume we are meeting In the street to fight in the near future.