@anylaurie16: Attractive people, have the decency to leave news and comedy to the rest of us.
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@tigersgoroooar: Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish? Flush yourself.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Most women love it when you play with their hair in public Their husbands not so much
@heroinsdemise: "Removing my make up" Or how I like to call it: "Reset face to factory settings"
@hazelmotes1: "I missed you so much!" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed.