@atDevin: "AUGHHGGUAUGGHGHGHGHGGGGH!!!!!!!!" - killer wail
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@POTerritory: The only thing more predictable than the conspiracy theories is some people's inability to distinguish Indonesia from Malaysia. #AirAsia
@EndhooS: [Commercial for lawnmowers] [Exhausted looking guy stood in his garden] *Stabs a long sword into the grass* "There has to be a better way"
@therealeatwood: KING ARTHUR: …and that is our noble quest. REPORTER: K, great. What shape is your table? A: Um, round? But that’s not really… R: Got it
@Brampersandon_: [White House] Any ideas on how to defeat ISIS? *Biden excitedly raises hand* Besides assembling the Avengers. *Biden dejectedly lowers hand*