@atDevin: "AUGHHGGUAUGGHGHGHGHGGGGH!!!!!!!!" - killer wail
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@MelvinofYork: The lady from HR challenged me to name one of my boss's good qualities and the best I could come up with is "he's biodegradable"
@amazymay72x: 13yo: Mom, I need 3 current issues happening in the neighborhood. Me: How abo- 11yo: WEAK WIFI, BUFFERING, BAD DATA PLAN! ..shoot me now.
@david8hughes: Wife: don't forget to pick the kids up from school Me: it's Saturday, they're both upstairs Wife: it's Wednesday & we have 3 kids
@TheBoydP: "Why put a baseball bat up when you can just lay it down on a stair in the middle of the stairway? What could go wrong?" ~My son apparently