@iLikeCatShirts: *Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
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@1Happytwit: 6yo's can't go to jail so I have no idea why this one's refusing to drive me home from the pub.
@SteveKoehler22: A young musician left his priceless Stradivarius violin on a train in Germany. But it was returned... no strings attached. Wait...what ?
@robotrowboat: Please put away that scary photo, Tina. That's my X-ray. I'm not sure what’s worse: the fact you dated a skeleton or that its name was Ray.
@AaronFullerton: Beyoncé: Ok now ladies let's get in formation. Ladies: Information about what? Beyoncé: Dammit, ladies, we went over this.