@skin_and_i: Australian is what happens when the British get wet and eat after midnight
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@better_off_dad: *at the confessional Priest: .'..and do you repent? Do you plan to repeat these sins?' Me: 'You mean, like, ever?'
@thetits: HER: I'd invite you in, but I never kill on a first date ME: kill? HER: haha I meant kiss stupid autocorrect ME: we are talking out loud
@LoveNLunchmeat: You could murder someone in California and they wouldn't even arrest you as long as you properly composted the body.