@skin_and_i: Australian is what happens when the British get wet and eat after midnight
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@ItsMrWoody2U: Me: bless me father for I have sinned. Priest: how long since your last confession my son? Me: about 45 minutes ago...
@timdonakowski: When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, "So, what did she say?" I'm funny that way.
@ValeeGrrl: 4pm Me: How was school today? Kid: ... 6pm Me: Do anything fun today? Kid: ... Bedtime Me: Goodnight! Kid: Guess what happened at school?