@ThisOneSayz: Auto correct changed "absence" to "absinthe" and now my kid's school won't let me be on the PTA.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thepoetknight: *pays $20 for deluxe car wash* *hits roughly 3,287,998 bugs during 2 mile drive home*
@iCumBl00d: Why do they hand out Kleenex at funerals if you're not supposed to jerk off in the back row
@SuburbanSleuth: My daughter's favorite past-time is implementing psychological warfare on my son. I let it slide because one day he'll have a wife.
@ariscott: For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.