@WilliamAder: Auto correct changed "mingle" to "mangle," and now I've been uninvited to a Superbowl party.
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@TheCatWhisprer: Can't believe how divided we've become over an election. It's not like it's the color of a dress or something.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.
@iMikosnyc: This lady on the train has that raspy, cigarette, alcohol, at death's door kinda voice. I'ma see if she'll record my voice mail message.