@WilliamAder: Auto correct changed "mingle" to "mangle," and now I've been uninvited to a Superbowl party.
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@JimmySelfDest: I tripped over the dog a second ago and am hurting a little.Web md has it narrowed down to a sprained uterus or a dislocated cervix. So..
@Dr_awfulpants: Congratulations on "obtaining" your yellow belt. If we're ever attacked by 3 pieces of wood being held together, you're in charge.
@TheToddWilliams: Wife: I'm glad you're watching TLC and looking to improve yourself. So who are your new friends? Husband: These would be your Sister Wives
@JennyPentland: 10yo: When in doubt, albatrout. Me: What the hell is albatrout? That's not real. 10yo: Now you're in doubt! Me: But… 10yo: ALBATROUT