@TYrannosaurus: Auto correct doesn't work when I use caps lock. My phone is like "woah, better let this dude cool down before I tell him he's wrong"
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@SexySpainNights: When someone cries, "No one gets me" I immediately snatch them and put them in my trunk and yell, "I got you"!
@meatlobes: Michael Cera pretending to read the nutritional facts when his dad catches him struggling to open a jar of pickles
@DaleInc: This drink tastes like the neighbors will be hearing late night small arms fire. I swear I just saw a coyote or a squirrel or a tree or a...
@LackOfShame: [their last appetizer] Her: I don't want it. You have it. Him: I don't want it either, you... Me: *reaches onto their table and takes it