@WilliamAder: Auto-correct turned "likeable" into "lickable" and the new intern is confused by her evaluation.
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@sofarrsogud: 4 AM BLADDER: Get up. You need to go STOMACH: And you're hungry BRAIN: Imagine if Hammer Time was a real time zone. We'd have to move there
@OneLastStranger: When someone looks over my shoulder while I'm on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
@caliluvgirl77: I'll never rob a store because I don't want to see the police guess my weight on a wanted poster.
@mauleePillar: Someone just sat across from me at a table at Starbucks. They got too close to my food so I bit them.