@SuperRandomish: Autocorrect changed "baby rattle" to "baby battle" and now I'm googling where to buy tiny weapons.
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@Rlpihl: Girl are you the burning bush? Cuz you're hot. And there's no conceivable reason you should be talking to me.
@mc_funbags: People keep telling me I behave like a man so I'm currently working up the courage to tell my husband he's gay.
@Kali_Mura: Cop: So, I’m writing a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane. Me: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.