@kashmir_lover1: Autocorrect changed Friend to Fiend but sleeping with a Fiend with Benefits is actually a little more exhilarating
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@Gre_Gone: Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty Judge: What? Me: I had it legally changed. Judge: You're Not Guilty? Me: *moonwalks outta there*
@XplodingUnicorn: [driving] Wife: Horseys! Me: The kids aren't in the car. Wife: I said it for me.
@Overdue_Bills: Whenever my car won't start I open the hood so I can have a good look at all the things I don't understand.